A Friend Who Holds Up - Three Weeks In

The past three weeks have gone by so quickly. Most of the days have been great, but I've experienced the odd bad day too. Being working mom is NOT easy -  let me tell you, it's FAR more challenging than staying at home. And praise God, it's NOT something I will be doing for too much longer (3 weeks down, 14 weeks to go!) But in the midst of this trying time, I have been truly blessed by a number of godly people. I really don't know how I'd make it through the next three months without them.

From the minute Justin and I found out we were pregnant with Isaiah, we began wrestling with the idea of me going back to work for a four month period. Before we became pregnant, the thought of me going back to work never crossed our minds. But since the opportunity that presented itself to us was almost too good to be true, we couldn't help but feel like God had set things up this way so that, in one final push, our family could be 100% debt-free by the end of 2015. We've never had a lot of debt, but the small amount we do have is not something we want to continue to carry. We want to do our best to owe no one anything.

Before we found out we were pregnant, God had already been convicting us about this issue. So, we vowed as a family to do our best to live within our means. That means buying all vehicles outright and using no credit for anything. The timing of everything that came about (the pregnancy, the timeline for MAT leave, the childcare that fell into perfect place, etc.) was impeccable, and we felt that God was truly blessing us with an incredible opportunity. On a side note, I think it’s also amazing how we didn’t “plan” this pregnancy either! We didn’t think about the timeline of MAT leave or anything of the sort… God surprised us with Isaiah, and did so the very month we decided to give our fertility/number of children over to Him. How cool is that? One month earlier or later and this” perfect plan” would not have worked. But by God’s grace, He gave us the faith to pursue this path at exactly the right time!

Anyway, I wanted to share this devotional because it really hit home for me. When all this became a reality and we finally decided that four months at work was worth it for our family, I didn’t realize to what extent we would come to rely on and cherish our church family. Not only to provide childcare for Roman, but for other things as well. Things like writing me an encouraging note to lift me up, showing up at my door to give me a hug at exactly the right time, letting me drop by on EVERY lunch break to see Roman or simply praying for my family on a regular basis. God had not only ordained this “plan” for us, but he also revealed to us our need for community. Our need to live amongst God’s people in tribe. These people have truly showed me what it means to be a "friend who holds up”. I’ve cried with them, prayed with them, benefited from their love and so much more. So today, I just wanted to say thank you specifically to a number of people who have gone out of their way to be there for me in this season. I love you all and vow to be there for you when you need me too. You've demonstrated what it means to be a "friend who loves at all times". A friend who doesn't stay silent in the storm, but who steps up and walks through rough waters with me. I feel humbled. I feel blessed. I feel like I understand a deeper meaning to what friendship is. So, thank you. Be Blessed. 

 

 

THE DEVO:

http://jamesmacdonald.com/teaching/devotionals/2015-07-06/

A Blessed Birth for His Glory and My Good

Tuesday, July 15, 2014 at 6:35 p.m.: the day our lives changed forever. The day Roman Marc Oliver finally made his long awaited arrival after 41 weeks and 1 day of pregnancy.

After such a long pregnancy, and so many false labor alarms, Justin and I were both feeing discouraged when week 41 hit. So, to take our minds off of things we decided to go visit Justin’s parents.

I remember being at their place and sitting on the couch thinking “I feel weird”. For no reason whatsoever I wanted to rush home, so we did. As we left for home, I believe I told Justin that “something doesn’t feel right”. But because I was sick of being disappointed, I put the idea of pending labor out of my mind completely. “Maybe I was getting sick”, I thought. My induction date had been set for Thursday, July 17, and I was completely prepared to have that day as the day I would meet my baby.

When we walked into our house I quickly ran to the bathroom (typical for such a heavily pregnancy woman), but as I finished up I realized I was bleeding. At that point I realized I’d lost my plug, but I didn’t want to get too excited, I brushed it off as nothing (FYI: some women lose their plug weeks and weeks before they deliver). I did call the midwife to let her know (I was 41 weeks after all and any bleeding, if not properly identified, could be very bad) and after that Justin and I settled into watch some TV.

It was around 9:30 p.m. and we were watching an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos (we love that show!). Justin was folding laundry and I was resting on the couch. Suddenly, and out of nowhere, I started to feel some contractions. If anyone is wondering, a contraction feels like a really bad menstrual cramp that comes in a big wave, starting off slow and increasing in intensity (at least that was my experience).

While I had been having false labor for a few weeks, these contractions were noticeably stronger and far more regular than anything I’d experienced before. Right away, Justin and I decided to call it a night… just in case this was the real deal we wanted to be well rested.

We got into bed and the contractions continued. Justin began timing them and they were about seven minutes apart… not really anything to get too excited about, but as time passed, the contractions got closer together, but still irregular. Some were four minutes apart while others were about six. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. It got too painful! I had to get up and get in the shower. Justin called the midwife and she agreed to come over and check me to see if I was dilated. At that point, I was sure I was.

In the shower, I rocked, paced and prayed through each contraction. I turned on worship music nice and loud and got into “the labor zone”. Contractions were about four minutes apart at that point and coming on pretty regularly. My mom, sister and doula were also called and put on standby in case things progressed.

After about half an hour my midwife showed up and my contractions continued. I got out of the shower (which really sucked because I was so comfortable in there) and she checked me for dilatation. Nothing. That’s right. Nothing! My cervix was short and very soft, but not dilated. I was beyond discouraged as the midwife mentioned the possibility that this might just be another false alarm. I think deep in my heart I knew it wasn’t though. She recommended that, just case this was in fact real, we all try and get some sleep.

My mom and my sister came over and slept downstairs. I think they were hoping just as bad as we were that this was the real thing. And even though we weren’t sure if it was at that point, I’m so glad that they decided to stay because all through the night (from about 11 p.m. to 7 a.m.) I was having regular and very painful contractions. I remember my mom and sister spelling Justin off and taking turns lying with me in bed. There are many sweet moments that I recall during that time if you can believe it, including holding my sisters had while I fell asleep, praying with my husband and feeling my mom rub my back as I went through yet another painful contraction.

Even though my contractions were pretty strong and steady, I somehow managed to get a few minutes of sleep between each. Not real sleep, but I rested pretty well all things considered. I remember to breath through each contraction slow and strong. This actually really helped, and I also developed my own little groan, which helped regulate my breathing and relax my body. We learned in our Bradley class that labor will progress if you relax, so that became my mantra – just relax and let it happen. One contraction at a time. I am so glad Justin and I invested in the 12 weeks Bradley Birthing Class because, even though I’d never experienced labor before, I felt well prepared for it.

At about 6:30 a.m. my sister climbed into bed with me. I remember feeling a very strong wave of contraction coming on so I sat up in bed and swung my feet to the ground. As I did I felt a huge gush of water fall from me. My water had broken! I quickly checked to make sure I hadn’t just peed myself, but it became evident that this wasn’t the case. When I realized that the water was tinted green, I knew 100% that Roman had indeed pooped inside of me (thanks little buddy!).

Contrary to what some people might think, a baby pooping in utero is not necessarily an emergency situation. Babies poop in the womb for one of two reasons: they are big and overdue or they are in distress (this is when it gets dangerous). The midwife checked Roman’s heart rate and he wasn’t in distress, he was just ready to come out! Regardless, even though it wasn’t an emergency, this meant that I’d have to deliver Roman in the Hospital. Something that I was thankfully prepared for; our bags were already packed and ready to go!

If you’ve followed my blog at all over the past nine months, you’ll know that I made a promise to God and myself that I wouldn’t hold on too tightly to anything. If I got to have a homebirth, then great, if not, than that’s great too.

So off to the Hospital we went!

I was admitted into the Labor and Delivery department at about 8 a.m. My midwife once again checked me for dilatation and I was ONLY 2 cm dilated. It was unbelievable! I wasn’t even considered to be in active labor! I was once again totally and utterly discouraged.

Realizing that things in the department were getting busier, my midwife decided to try and push my cervix open to 4 cm (this is what they consider to be active labor). This hurt like crazy (you have no idea…), but praise God it worked! I was officially in active labor and was able to get my own labor room right away.

By this time my contractions were about two or three minutes apart and steady. In the labor room was my midwife, doula, husband, sister and mom. I want to take a minute to say how comfortable the labor rooms are at OSMH! There are flat screen TVs (not that we used that), a couch, rocking chair, private bathroom and shower and a nice bed.

I sat and rocked in a rocking chair through each contraction rather than lying in the bed. In fact, I spent a good part of my labor taking on each contraction while rocking back and forth, holding hands with one or more of my support team. This is a good time to mention that I had mad back labor, and let me tell you – it’s not fun! I barley felt any contracting in the front of me as it was all concentrated in the back. I did a few pelvic tilts to try and get Roman to move into a better position, but nothing worked! It was intense and it was painful. I couldn’t do anything but deal with it and ride through each contraction by relaxing and breathing as best I could.

It’s really true what people say, a laboring woman really gets into a zone where nothing else matters. My eyes were closed most of the time and I was in survival mode.

For the next 10 and a half hours, Justin (supported by my mom, midwife, sister and doula) coached me through the hard process of labor. My doula and Justin helped me in and out of the shower a few times, spraying my back with the shower head to try and relive the intense back labor I was experiencing. The shower seemed to pacify things, but it never eased it totally.

A few hours into my labor at the Hospital, I received a small shot of morphine to help me sleep between contractions. It didn’t ease the pain, but it did help with the relaxation between contractions. My midwife recommended it since I really hadn’t slept since Sunday night at that point. The morphine lasted approximately two hours and then it was gone. I was once again completely drug free.

A few more hours into things and my midwife wanted to check me again to see how far I’d dilated. Getting checked while having a contraction really HURTS! But it was worth it when I heard her say, “alright Alannah, you are 10 cm dilated!” The only problem was the phase that followed: “only you have a small cervical lip so we need to get rid of that and once we do you can push that baby out!”

For those that don’t know, a cervical lip is when your cervix doesn’t evenly dilate, meaning there the cervix has a small part blocking the baby from coming out. We tried everything to try get this lip to go away, but nothing was working and tensions were rising and I was still in immense pain. The midwife said the lip was small and pliable, meaning there was potential to push the lip over the baby’s head to get him free. She tried this several times (OUCH!), but it didn’t work.

Finally, my midwife had no other choice than to transfer care to the doctors at the hospital so they could give me an epidural (something I preferred not to get) so I could get some rest and hopefully make time for the lip to recede on it’s own. Worst case scenario, I’d have to have a c section and this honestly terrified me, but I tried to stay calm through the pain and stress.

My support team was getting worried too, though they didn’t let on to it. They gently encouraged me and tried to keep me drinking my coconut water and juice to keep my energy up. But it was getting tense and everyone knew it. My mom sent out a text to my aunt who works at our church asking her to get people to pray that the lip would go away.

They made the call to the doctor to come in and administer the epidural. I was crushed and still reeling in pain. Things got worse when I was told that he was in surgery and that it would be more than an hour before he could get me the epidural, meaning I’d have to continue laboring in vain. The worst part was that my body was telling me to push! I had the strongest urge to push Roman out, but was told to try and hold back so as to not make the lip bigger. I remember throwing my head back in agony trying to fight what nature was telling me to do. It was the hardest part of the labor so far.

About 15 minutes after my care was transferred to the doctors, a nurse came into my room. My midwife let her know the situation and she calmly asked if she could try pushing the lip back. I almost declined because I didn’t want to go through that again, but thankfully agreed. Within about three tries of pushing the cervix back… SHE DID IT! THE LIP WAS OUT OF THE WAY! CARE WAS TRAFERED BACK TO MY MIDWIFE, THE EDPIDURAL AND DOCTOR WERE CANCELLED AND MY MIDWIFE SAID, “PUSH THAT BABY OUT OF YOU!”

Side note: while Roman was not in distress throughout my labor, it was still necessary to have a respiratory therapist on standby in case he inhaled his poop and needed to have it suctioned out of his lungs. If he was silent upon delivery he would need to get passed off to be suctioned, but if he cried upon delivery, he would be put on my chest for me to kiss and hug and love all over. We were obviously hoping for the latter of the two, but it was impossible to tell what would happen until the time came…

I 100% believe that the prayers of my church family are what allowed the nurse to push my lip back. Even through the pain I was in complete and utter disbelief and happiness – I was going to get what I wanted, I was going to get to deliver my baby without an epidural or c section!

I lied on my side, one leg on the bed, one held by my mom (how cool is that, she was so involved!), Justin and my doula each holding a hand, and my sister at the end of the bed crouched down at eye level watching the whole thing. I remember everyone cheering me on, yelling “KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING! WE SEE HIS HEAD, ROMAN’S HEAD. HE HAS HAIR!” I also remember Julianne saying that his head looked like an avocado… (haha) not sure if that happened or if I imagined it.

This portion of the birth story seems almost comical to me, though it was by far the most painful. I was yelling some pretty funny things like: “I’m going to rip in half!” and “MOMMY!” My midwife asked me if I wanted a mirror to see his head crowning and, in the moment, I was appalled by this question and screamed “ EWWWW NOOOO!” Someone also grabbed my hand as he was crowing and put it on his head so I could feel it. To this I remember also freaking out and yelling “NOO STOPPP!”

As I was pushing, I remember thinking to myself, “it’s just like an intense workout… you keep going. You want to stop, but you keep going because you want results. Keep pushing through. Go! Go!” And I did.

At 6:35 p.m., I gave two solid pushes. One which partially delivered his head, and the second to deliver the whole rest of him! The relief I felt with that last push was amazing. And to top it all off… my baby cried… no, SCREAMED, upon delivery and he was placed on my chest to hug, kiss and love all over. No need for us to be separated, no need for the suction. Praise God!

I remember seeing him for the first time and the first thing I said to him was, “ROMAN! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.” Followed by “YOU LOOK LIKE JOSIE” (Josie is my niece).

Justin cut the cord and the three of us kissed, snuggled, cried and in that beautiful moment, Justin prayed over our 9 lbs 7 oz baby Roman.

The whole ordeal still seems so surreal to me. And while it was by far the most painful thing I’ve ever experience, it was also the most beautiful. In the moments of darkness and pain, I learned to lean into my Heavenly Father more and more, and depend on my husband for support and coaching. I also learned that my mom and sister are by far the most amazing women in the world, not leaving my side until Roman was in my arms. My doula’s sweet compassionate spirit and gentle encouragement was invaluable, and my midwife’s skill and patience was essential to this safe and healthy birth.

God has defiantly used this experience to grow me as a person. I learned that sometimes pain is necessary for progress. My body was pushed to the limit and there was nothing I could do by rely on Him. I praise God that things ended the way they did and they He decided to bless me with the labor and delivery I’d hoped for. I take no credit for anything… if I learned one thing through all this it’s that I am weak but my Lord is strong. A mighty fortress is my God.

In the words of my Nana, the beautiful Karen Storey, “Our awesome God answers prayers. I love Him.”

Post-Pregnancy Plan: I can do it... WE can do it!

Here we are, almost 30 weeks pregnant. Roman could literally come safely and healthily in another 7 weeks (although I think it’ll be another 9 weeks… just a hunch, I could be wrong!) This pregnancy is really just flying by! While I still have a good amount of time left, I can’t help but let my mind wander to the post-partum period. What will it look like? How will I feel? Is it going to take me the full 6 weeks to recover, or will my recovery be a speedy one? Regardless of any of this, one thing is for sure: I am going to get RIGHT back into my pre-pregnancy workout routines as soon as it is safe and I am able.

For the record, I don’t think I need a “get-back-in-shape” post partum plan because I really don’t think I am out of shape right now! I am pregnant AND in shape (yes, that’s a thing!) and it’s bound to look different than not being pregnant and being in shape (duh!) But I still hold to the fact that I am pregnant and I am in shape. However, regardless of this, I do need a plan to get back to my pre-pregnancy size. I can’t just wing it and hope for the best, and while breastfeeding may help tighten and tone my uterus, there are TONS of other places on a woman’s body that need toning up after pregnancy (arms, legs, butt, thighs, abs… list could go on.)

So granted all goes well and baby and I are both healthy (prayers for that appreciated, because I know there are no guarantees!), here is an outline for my “get-back-to-my-pre-pregnancy-size-post-pregnancy” plan!

Eat clean starting ALWAYS… but especially now

Side note: eating “clean” just means “consuming food in its most natural state, or as close to it as possible. It is not a diet; it's a lifestyle approach to food and its preparation.” So for me it personally means eating lots of vegetables, eggs, fruits, nuts and lean meats.

I believe in eating clean ALWAYS! I don’t believe pregnancy is the time to “eat for two”, as anyone who has read my blog before knows. Pregnancy ACUTALLY is the time to eat better than even before because the little life inside of you needs good, whole foods to grow and thrive. But regardless, eating clean has and will never be more important to me than in these last 10 weeks of pregnancy and in my post-partum period. Why? Because:

1) My post-partum attitude and recovery will go a lot smoother if my body is well nourished.

2) Most women tend to gain a lot of weight in the last 10 weeks or so of pregnancy.

3) Because I want Roman to have the BEST start at life (I don’t understand these women who want an all-natural pregnancy\childbirth and want to breastfeed their kids but eat fast food two or three times a week and consider themselves justified… that fast food is a drug to your baby JUST like an epidural would be! So it’s counterproductive! Rant over.)

4) Because I want to lose the baby weight in a healthy way, fast!

5) Increased and nutrient-rich breast milk for little man.

Side note: I don’t want my pre-pregnancy body back because of vanity… I want it back because, for me, it’s what healthy looks and feels like. I want energy and stamina, and I want to take care of the vessel God has given me, as well as be an inspiration and good example to my son. Looking good is just an added bonus.

Since I won’t be able to get back into a workout routine for about 6 weeks after having Roman, I know that my best plan of action for getting my pre-pregnancy body back is to eat the best I can. While I feel like I’ve been eating pretty clean this whole pregnancy, I am going to really push this to the limit post-baby. By that I mean that I plan to meal plan as much and as best I can to ensure that NO unhealthy leaks get through the cracks. I am looking to my sister as an example of this because she is literally the QUEEN of CLEAN eating (thanks, Ju!) The prospect of all this planning (and eating!) excites me – I love to cook, I love to eat, I love to plan and I am ACTUALLY going to have the time to do so as a stay-at-home-mom! I am super psyched that I just got a Costco card and to ensure that I stay on track even in the weeks after Roman is born, I plan to prep a lot of healthy, whole meals in advance – meals that are balanced and clean, but that I can just pop into the oven after a long day.

Ease back into my “old” workouts

Obviously we've already established that I can’t go full out “back to normal” in the first few weeks post-partum, but I want to motivate myself to get there as fast as I can. Eating clean will help, but so will time and the continuation of some light walking and yoga. You know, things that are gentle on my body, and will help promote fast healing and even a little toning.

Once I get to the point where my midwife says “I’m good to go”, I plan to rely on the help of my husband to get my back into my pre-pregnancy workouts. Justin and I used to LOVE high intensity interval training (something you can’t really do during pregnancy… at least not to the extent that you do pre-pregnancy) so having him there to coach me along and motivate me will be so beneficial. He can watch my form, keep me laughing and be my cheerleader while I get back into the swing of things, because I’m sure I’ll need it at that point (HIIT is so effective, but NOT easy!) Lastly, I am relying on my typical “Alannah over-achiever self” to just do it and get back to one of the things I love most in the world – fitness!

I don’t want to make it sound like I haven’t been working out throughout this pregnancy, because I certainly have been, but there is no doubt that your body slows down a little while pregnant (big surprise there… yah, not really.) Instead of running like I used to, I walk on an incline. Instead of lifting heavy with lots of reps, I lift medium-heavy with low reps. Instead of getting in that extra 15 min of HIIT, I take time really stretch it out and squat. Instead of going to the gym 4 -5 times a week, I go 2 - 3 times a week, depending on energy level and comfort. In short, pregnancy should not cause you to stop working out all together (unless because of extenuating medical circumstances, of course), but it will definitely change the way you work out.

Show myself and my new post-partum body appreciation, patience and kindness

It really bothers me when I hear women say how much they are longing for their pre-pregnancy body. Why do you have to long for it? Tons of women have made it a reality by just working hard and staying focused! So, rather than pine for the past, why not motivate yourself to get back what you once had in the future? You CAN do it! I mean...your body just GREW another human for goodness sake! You literally delivered a child into this world, but you can't get rid of a little left-over baby weight? In the words or Dwight K. Schrute: FALSE. You CAN get back to pre-pregnancy size and you can make healthy a lifestyle! It wont' necessarily be easy, but neither was having and recovering from that c-section or passing a watermelon-sized baby through your va-jay, but you DID it, didn't you!? Exactly. You can do it. We can do it! But keep a few things in mind: it's normal and OK for your body to look and feel different than before (at least for a short period of time) and you should be proud to have made it through such a long journey. This doesn't mean you don’t work towards a goal, but it does mean that you show yourself the patience and kindness necessary for your body to heal properly. No negative Nancy-ing around or criticizing the beautiful body pregnancy has created. We just need to keep focused and sure enough, we WILL get to where we want to be, sooner or later! Not for reasons of vanity... but for reasons of health, healing and wholeness.

I believe in US, women, because never before in my life have I ever realized more the strength and stamina God has given to women. We are co-creators of life with God and that takes more than just a pretty face.

Grace and peace, 

Alannah

The below shows my journey from pre-pregnancy to during pregnancy, and I gotta say, I feel pretty great about both photos. No shame here, just gratitude and thanks to God for allowing me to carry Roman... what a joy and privilege. I want to celebrate both stages of life! It's really a miracle! 

During Pregnancy 

Pre-Pregnancy 

A Worker at Home: Practical Applications for being a Proverbs 31 Woman

The issue of women working in and/or outside of the home is up for some serious debate. Most pastors or church leaders agree that if I family can afford responsibly for a woman to stay at home full time, then she should do so. But my own pastor has said from the pulpit that this society is (for the most part) a double income society. If you and your spouse find a way to squeak by anyway, great! But if not, then a working woman you will be.

Regardless of your stance on this issue, Titus 2 does say that older women are to teach the younger women to be “workers at home”. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to be stay-at-home mothers and wives their whole entire lives, but that they should be homeward in their orientation. Meaning their main ministry should be at home, towards their husbands and children.

Since the feminist movement of the 70s, a woman who is a worker at home (meaning she takes on the primary roles and responsibilities of the home, like cooking and cleaning) has been dubbed by society oppressed. And while the world may scoff at this calling, the Bible upholds it in the most respectable of places. A woman who manages her home is a woman worthy of praise (see the Proverbs 31 woman!) This job is not something to be looked down on.

Personally, I have been thinking a lot more about this issue since I will be a stay-at-home mother and wife for a full year starting in June.

Side note: Now don’t get me wrong – I have been working and striving to be homeward in my orientation even while having a full time job, and let me tell you: IT IS EXHAUSTING. My crock pot is my best friend and provides many a meal for our family and everyday after work I spend at least and hour to two hours cleaning or doing something related to house work. Sometimes it’s 9 p.m. before I get to sit down and relax. While I don’t want to get into comparisons here, because everyone’s journey of life is tough at time, the life of a full time working woman is just unnaturally hard (God intended the man to be the worker outside the home and the woman to be the worker inside… no one person was expected the do both.) Unlike a stay-at-home woman, a working woman doesn’t get to pour herself into her home. A working woman has to carefully plan her time and maximize it so nothing (not home, family or work) suffers. I’m NOT saying that a stay-at-home woman’s job isn’t hard too, but a working woman has to do ALL the things a stay-at-home woman does, and on top of that, she spends 8 hrs a day working outside her home. My mentor is a stay-at-home wife and mom and she always asks me “how do you do it?” And honestly, I just tell her “by God’s grace.”

With that said, while I am a stay-at-home wife and mom next year, I want to be prepared (even better than I am now) to best use and maximize my time at home. I don’t want to be lazy or slothful or have to ask Justin for help when I am instructed in scripture to be the household caretaker. After a full day of working, coming home and cooking and cleaning is the last thing he will want to do (many of you working women can vouch for this because we do it everyday!)

In thinking and praying about this, I have come up with a few things NOT TO DO on the road to becoming the home-oriented woman God has called me to be. I am blessed to have a great mentor that has helped me think through each of these things and come up with practical ways that I can plan to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

THINGS NOT TO DO

1) Don’t wake up at noon

Side note: now I understand that with a newborn, this might be tricky if their schedule is up all night, sleep all day, but I am talking in the long run here, when the baby is a little older with a more steady sleep schedule.

The Proverbs 31 woman got up while it was still night (verse 15) just to make food for her family! That woman was a straight up champ if you ask me. Yes, sleep is a valuable thing, but it’s something that a Proverbs 31 woman may have to sacrifice for the good of her family.

Practical Application: in my mind, the goal would be to get up at the same time as your husband, make him breakfast and pack his lunch while he gets his morning devotions in, pray with him before he leaves and see him off to work. My mom (okay… just get used to this reference because I’ll be using it a lot in this post!) did an awesome job of this while we were kids. I remember her standing at the door in her housecoat with coffee in hand waving goodbye to my dad as he drove off to work. Think of how happy a husband would be to have his wife lovingly see him off each morning in this way. He knows that she is in control of the household while he is away and he can leave in peace knowing things are in her capable hands (Prov 31 vs 11).

2) Don’t get side tracked

I can only imagine how tempting it would be to just flick on the TV and get lost in some good bad TV marathon all day. But on the contrary, if you read the full description of a Proverbs 31 woman, no where does it say that she remained idol for any lengthy period of time (in verse 27 it actually says she avoided idleness all together! Once again, the woman is a champ!) All the things that she is being praised for are things related to her bettering her house and family. Granted the Proverbs 31 woman didn’t have TV back in her day, but I’m sure she has something equally distracting that she had to avoid to ensure she didn’t get side tracked.

Practical Application: Plan ahead (this is a running theme!) Make a list of things that need to get done through out the week and fill your day with bettering your home and family. Make “spring cleaning” a regular thing in your home (i.e. get the little jobs done just as regularly as you do the large jobs) and spend time with your kids doing crafts, exercises and other important developmental things. Once again, this is something my mom was GREAT at. She would always have a craft or some other fun thing that stimulated our development for us to do. Sometimes she would sit and do the craft with us, while other times she would leave us to enjoy while she prepared our lunch or dinner.

Side note: Now even working people get regular breaks, so it’s totally alright to incorporate those into your day. My mom would set aside an hour or so for her to relax. Sometimes she would fold laundry while watching TV while we napped, or (on her very tired days, I assume) I remember us watching a Disney movie together and relaxing for an hour or so. But you better believe that the minute that movie finished, she was up starting another task.

3) Don’t expect your husband to come home and do your job

No, your husband should not be the one cooking dinner, and no, your husband should not be the one folding laundry. Those things should be done and out of the way by the time your hubby gets in the door. As a stay-at-home wife these jobs are YOURS for completion. Even if your husband is a better cook than you (which is an excuse that some women use), it’s still your job to do have a meal prepared for him at the end of each day. It just is!

I have observed far too many women who stay at home, yet share the burden of the house with their husband. This is not wise and it’s not what the Proverbs 31 women did.

4) Don’t be scared of making an income

While not everyone has the means to do so, women who can run a small business while still staying home should totally do so! The Proverbs 31 woman did a great job of this. She made money and then she made investments with that money (verse 16) – she was clearly wise financially, and so should we strive to be!

Practical Application: my mom used to run a daycare out of her house. The helped my dad with the bills and was a huge blessing to my family over all. If you plan on staying home indefinitely, I highly suggest modelling yourself after the Proverbs 31 woman and looking into making some sort of income if you can.

5) Don’t stay in the house all the time

Being a worker at home doesn't mean that you stay home all the time. The Proverbs 31 woman “extended her hands to the poor” (verse 20), and in my mind, this means that she served and volunteered outside the home on a regular basis. This is also a very important part of fulfilling the Great Commission Jesus gave us, when he said to “go into the world”.

Practical Application: your church is probably the place you will want to serve/volunteer your time, so get involved and do what you can. Don’t take on too much though; remember that a woman’s main ministry is at home with her husband and children.

6 Month Reality Check: Things to Remember!

Can we just talk about how crazy it is that I am 6 months pregnant? I mean, where the heck did the past 6 months go? They just flew by. It doesn't even feel that long ago that Justin and I started even considering having a baby, and now here we are, 6 months later and all systems are go! I have really loved every minute of this journey so far – it hasn't all be perfect, but it’s been a blessing.

As I step into the final 3 months of this pregnancy I want to remind myself of a few key things; things that I think I will need to hear when I am 8.5-9 months pregnant, super huge and super exhausted. So here we go!

Dear Future Alannah, please remember:

1) Take it one day at a time – with everything!

A recent occurrence (colostrum… since week 18) has made it clear that I will likely have the option to breast feed if I choose to. As long as I am comfortable and pain-free doing so, I’m going to give it a go. This has changed since early pregnancy because I literally thought that I’d have no option but to not breast feed (mainly due to pain), but it’s amazing what pregnancy does to a woman’s body (primarily her breasts!). Without going into too much detail, it seems that my breasts have become far less sensitive then they once were. Also, the development of colostrum proves that I will be able to produce milk; the question will just be, “how much will I be able to produce”? Regardless of how much (could be a little, could be a freezer full), I want to remind myself to take it ONE day at a time. One step at a time. I hear it’s going to hurt regardless the first few weeks, so I just need to remind myself that an adjustment period is needed. And if for some reason it doesn’t work out, well – you all know how I roll – no sweat. Formula it is – and I’ll be happy and fulfilled all the way.

Side note: no one KNOWS for sure if they can or cannot nurse. So, if you are fully banking on it, you should really give your head a shake and have a plan B, just in case! 

But breast feeding isn't the only area where I wish to remind myself to take it one day a time. There are tones of times where I’ll need to remember this: like during the night when he is waking up like clockwork, or when I am in recovery and I am in pain. The list is probably endless, but it’ll all work out. It’ll all work out.  

2) Children are a blessing!

This is obvious, but I assume I’ll need to remind myself of this the closer and closer I get to my due date. I assume things get progressively harder as the end nears. So, remember, future Alannah, children are a blessing – and Roman is worth all the pain and discomfort you are going through right now. So just keep pushing through – the pay off will be well worth it!

3) Treat yourself and don’t push yourself too hard

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a pusher. I push myself to workout, eat healthy, keep active, work hard, est. I am very disciplined. But I think closer to the end of my pregnancy I’ll need to remind myself that it’s okay to slow down! Maybe I’ll want to skip a workout because I’m exhausted, or maybe I’ll want that chocolate bar that I have been denying myself for months on end! Nothing over indulgent or life changing, but you know, a few little treats can’t hurt, right?

Bottom line: I want to continue to be good to my body and keep it healthy, but I also want my body to be comfortable and treated to some extra “luxuries” during the hardest phase of my pregnancy. I think I’ll deserve it at that point.

4) Don’t sweat the small stuff

If the curtains I buy for the nursery don’t exactly match the crib bedding, I need to just chill out and accept it. I know most people wouldn’t care to begin with, but most people aren’t me and I have a tendency to pursue perfection to the point of exhaustion (sinful, I know… working on it!). I need to just take a breath and forget about it… Roman and everyone else won’t sweat the small stuff, so I shouldn’t either! I should just be happy I have a roof over my head and a healthy baby on the way.

5) I can trust God, my body, my husband and my health care team

This one is number one (even though in sequence it's listed as number five!)

Even in the midst of pain, God is in control. He has created my body to bear children and I don’t need to fear. I will just ride each wave of pain or discomfort knowing that Jesus will eventually calm the storm.

I can also trust Justin to be there for me. He is committed to playing an active role in the birth of Roman and, while other men may not be as prepared, I need to trust that he is. That’s why we are taking a 12-week Bradley birthing class! So that I can trust Justin to keep me calm, comfortable and relaxed all throughout the birth. My doula (also my birth class instructor) made it very clear when I hired her that she would be an assistant to Justin. While other husband not trained in the Bradley method may let the doula take charge, Justin will be well prepared to be the head coach.

Finally, I need to trust my health care team. They know what they are doing – they do this for a living! So, while it may be hard, I need to put the health of myself and Roman in their hands, knowing that God has brought them into my life for a reason.

6) There is nothing wrong with being organized – it’s a good thing and I don’t need to feel guilty!

Type A personalities around the world can vouch for the fact that being organized is a way of life. I am almost 25 weeks pregnant and I already have my crib, dresser, rocker, stroller and crib bedding for Roman. Some people roll their eyes at this, though I am not really sure why. But they have – to my face! Not sure why organization is suddenly considered a bad thing when it comes to preparing for baby? You’d think this is when it’d be most valuable!

The bottom line is: Justin and I hate debt, and we don’t want any part of it – so we buy things as we have the cash for them… or we are gifted things when our parents have the cash for it. In my mind, this is just good financial practice. We will get a lot of the smaller necessities at our baby showers (so thankful for that!), but the bigger ticket items I feel I (or a very generous third party, like a parent) am responsible for obtaining.

And in any case, why would anyone want to wait until week 36 to get their life together? By then you are huge, exhausted and possibly out of money (maybe you've spent it unwisely or on an emergency situation that was unforeseen). Not to mention no one is guaranteed 36 weeks of pregnancy… God forbid your baby is born premature and you have neither the funds nor organization to accommodate him or her. Better safe than sorry, I say.

What am I getting at here? I am getting at the fact that, as I get more and more pregnant the nesting\organizing gene will only intensify in me, and I need to embrace it! I am going to be well prepared for Roman and that is a blessing. It’s one less things to stress about and if I receive some eyes rolls because of it, well, whatever!



Well, there you have it... a list of things to remember. My reality check for when things get crazy. I am sure there will be more I’ll want to add to this list as time goes by, but this is a good start. Just gotta keep pressing on, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control. 

Okay… good talk!

Grace and Peace, 

Alannah 

Oliver Family Core Values

We, the Oliver Family, believe in one Triune God consisting of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The Father sent his Son to die on the cross for the forgiveness of sin and salvation of the elect. After His death on the cross, we believe that Jesus Christ rose from the dead and ascended to Heaven where He now sits at the right hand of the Father. After His ascension, Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be a helper to all believers.

We believe that the Bible is the Holy Word of God, and that all scripture is God breathed (2 Timothy 3:16). We believe in the authority of the scriptures and are committed to doing regular family devotions, as well as personal study daily. We will hold one another accountable to this standard and build each other up in our struggles.

We, the parents, Justin and Alannah, believe in a complementarian marriage, where the husband and wife are equal in worth and value, but different in roles. We believe in being absolutely faithful to one another, body, mind and soul, and we are committed to having God as the centre of our marriage.

As the husband, Justin, has the role of the “head” (1 Corinthians 11:3). He should provide for his family (1 Timothy 5:8), love his wife as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25), manage his household well (1 Timothy 3:4), lead and teach his wife and children to be Christ-like, and, with all dignity, teach his children to be submissive (1 Timothy 3:4). It is the calling of the husband to be self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, a teacher, sober-minded, gentle, meek and not a lover of money (1 Timothy 3:2-3).

As the wife, Alannah, has the role of the “helper” (Genesis 2:8); she is equal to her husband, but different. She should seek to dress modestly (1 Peter: 3:3), respect her husband, fear the Lord above her husband (Proverbs 31:30), be reverent in her behaviour (Titus 2:3) and teach what is good to her children (Titus 2:4). She should also be self-controlled, pure and homeward in her orientation (Titus 2:3-4).

We believe children are a blessing from the Lord. Godly children should be submissive to their parents (Ephesians 6:1), be pure and upright in their behaviour (Proverbs 20:11), love the Lord with all their heart, mind, soul and strength (Matthew 22:7) and bear the fruits of the spirit, with their life reflecting the beatitudes (Galatians 5:22-23, Matthew 5:3-12). We believe it is the responsibility of both parents to train up their children in the ways of the Lord (Proverbs 22:8).

As a family, we are committed to tithing 10% of our gross income to the church (Deuteronomy 14:22). We believe in the power and importance of prayer, and we will make all of our decisions prayerfully before the throne of God and in accordance with His Word. We deeply believe that lost people matter to God, and therefore, they matter to us.

Above all, we believe that God is the Head of our home and, as we die to our sinful nature daily, we seek to place Him first in everything we do. We realize that it is only by the grace of God that we are saved and we are humbled to be part of His chosen people.

Romans 9: Assurance of Salvation and Election (Maybe the Most Offensive Theology Ever Written)

It’s been awhile since I last wrote. A lot has been happening, but I haven’t really had the chance to sit down and pen something out.

Today is a little different, however. Today I really just have to put into writing how much I love/fear the Lord. Some mornings I wake up and I feel this overwhelming need to praise God – to get into His Word and hide it in my heart. Sure, I read daily God’s Word, but some days it resonates more than others. Do you know what I mean? Anyway, today is one such day.

This morning I was reading Romans 9 in preparation for my meeting with my mentee next week, and I was literally struck with amazement. Amazed at how God works. Amazed that He chooses and calls His children by name. Amazed that the Lord loves, and that equally so, He hates.

I don’t want to get into a huge debate about the doctrine of election, because it’s an ongoing fight that has two sides, and the members of each side are set in their ways. With that said, I think it’s important for everyone reading this to know (and by my “hit tracker”, there are a fair amount of you) that I am, by definition, a Calvinist. In short, I believe that God has already predestined (Romans 8:29-30; Romans 9; insert the many other verses here) or chosen His children.

Probably the main question people ask when they hear me say this is “how do we know who is chosen and who is not?” I’d like to start off by saying that it not our place to know the answer to this question. In Romans 9:15 God relays through the Apostle Paul that “I [God] will have mercy on whom I have mercy”; He doesn’t give us a direct answer or reason for why He chooses some but not others. This can be a really troubling realization for some because, as Matthew 7 reveals in verses 22 and 23, there will be lots of people who awake in the throne room of God on Judgment Day, shocked to behold that they were never really saved like they thought they were. This is chilling and boarder line depressing, isn’t it? But wait a minute – it doesn’t have to be! There is hope (as there always is with God!), because we can have assurance of salvation through Jesus Christ. That means that our lives (the way we think, act and speak) will demonstrate our salvation in a few very important ways (these are the indicators of a truly saved individual):


The following is a modified teaching of Charles Spurgeon

First, we will not habitually commit sin.
By this I mean that, while we will still sin because we are inherently evil and instinctively sinners, we will not perpetually let sin have dominion over us. Primarily because God gives His chosen ones a hate for sin so that when they do sin, it makes them sick and they want to run from their temptations and repent. In other words, God’s chosen will not participate in what I like to call “lifestyle” sins… (i.e. perpetual fornicating, stealing, lying, cheating, hating, murdering or homosexuality, est.)

I don’t want to give anyone the impression that some sins are worse than others, because that’s not that case (every kind of sin nailed Jesus to the cross), but it’s important to note that some sins are more likely to be perpetual than others.

Backed Up by Living Word
"Whosoever is born of God will not commit sin."—1 John 3:9

"How can we who died to sin still live in it?"—Romans 6:2

Second, we will seek to live a holy life by obeying God's Word.
As I said before, we will not obey God's Word perfectly as long as we still have a sinful nature (and we will always have a sinful nature until we are resurrected on the day of the Lord’s second coming). But those who are truly saved will obey the Word of God day-by-day, earnestly desiring to do the right thing. We will work at our salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12), and following the commands of Jesus will be our priority (even above our sinful lusts and desires). In short, we will die to ourselves.

Side note: This also means that we Calvinists will still seek to minister to the lost. Just because God has already elected His people doesn’t mean we give up the call to evangelize – God said to do it, so we will.

Backed Up by Living Word
"If you know that he is righteous, you may be sure that everyone who practices righteousness has been born of him."—1 John 2:29

"And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments."—1 John 2:3

Third, we will love others, regardless of who they are or what they have done.
First off, please note that this does not mean we condone the sin of others (i.e. we aren’t “cool with it” because God’s not cool with it. God hates sin and so should we!) But since God is love He has given His chosen a desire to love others, especially fellow believers. This love may not always come easy to us, but we will seek to do good to others when we have the opportunity.

Backed Up by Living Word
"Everyone that loves is born of God, and knows God. He that loves does not know God; for God is love."—1 John 4:7-8

"We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren."—1 John 3:14

Fourth, our affections will not be set upon the things of the world.
It’s okay to enjoy certain things in the world: travelling, friendships, sports, exercise or other hobbies – but the minute your affections for these things trumps your love for Christ (or you begin seeking these things more than you seek God) you are in trouble. As God’s chosen, Christ should be our all in all and we will give generously and hold loosely to the material possessions we have.

Backed Up by Living Word
"If any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."—1 John 2:15

“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.” - Romans 8:5-9


It’s important to note that “these changes are not the cause of our salvation for we are saved by Christ (as our propitiation and as the giver of the gift of perfect righteousness) through faith—even that is not of ourselves but is a gift from God (Eph. 2:8-9). Rather, these changes are the evidence that we truly have been born again. If they are not evident in our life, it is likely we have not savingly believed in Christ. And therefore, it is vital that we diligently read the Bible until we are assured of having saving faith in Him. The Bible says, "So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God" (Rom. 10:17). A good place to start is 1 John and James for they deal extensively with the changes that result from being born again.” (Charles Spurgeon)

I think a true follower of Christ will see the glory in all this that, by the seeming tension of human responsibility and God’s sovereignty, God has elected His children since before the foundation of the earth. That means that when God created the world in Genesis, He had His elect in mind (Ephesians 1:4). He knew what was going to go down in the Garden of Eden and He knew that His Son would have to come and die for their sins. He knew it all. You can’t surprise God! But because He loves His elect, He let it all happen so that sinful man could one day be made right in His sight. This is what gets me, friends. This is what makes me sit in wonder and awe – I can’t believe God, the only God, looks down at us (His chosen) and thinks we are worth it.

It’s so humbling, because we all deserve Hell. It makes everything else in life seem so small and insignificant… probably because it is.