The issue of women working in and/or outside of the home is up for some serious debate. Most pastors or church leaders agree that if I family can afford responsibly for a woman to stay at home full time, then she should do so. But my own pastor has said from the pulpit that this society is (for the most part) a double income society. If you and your spouse find a way to squeak by anyway, great! But if not, then a working woman you will be.
Regardless of your stance on this issue, Titus 2 does say that older women are to teach the younger women to be “workers at home”. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to be stay-at-home mothers and wives their whole entire lives, but that they should be homeward in their orientation. Meaning their main ministry should be at home, towards their husbands and children.
Since the feminist movement of the 70s, a woman who is a worker at home (meaning she takes on the primary roles and responsibilities of the home, like cooking and cleaning) has been dubbed by society oppressed. And while the world may scoff at this calling, the Bible upholds it in the most respectable of places. A woman who manages her home is a woman worthy of praise (see the Proverbs 31 woman!) This job is not something to be looked down on.
Personally, I have been thinking a lot more about this issue since I will be a stay-at-home mother and wife for a full year starting in June.
Side note: Now don’t get me wrong – I have been working and striving to be homeward in my orientation even while having a full time job, and let me tell you: IT IS EXHAUSTING. My crock pot is my best friend and provides many a meal for our family and everyday after work I spend at least and hour to two hours cleaning or doing something related to house work. Sometimes it’s 9 p.m. before I get to sit down and relax. While I don’t want to get into comparisons here, because everyone’s journey of life is tough at time, the life of a full time working woman is just unnaturally hard (God intended the man to be the worker outside the home and the woman to be the worker inside… no one person was expected the do both.) Unlike a stay-at-home woman, a working woman doesn’t get to pour herself into her home. A working woman has to carefully plan her time and maximize it so nothing (not home, family or work) suffers. I’m NOT saying that a stay-at-home woman’s job isn’t hard too, but a working woman has to do ALL the things a stay-at-home woman does, and on top of that, she spends 8 hrs a day working outside her home. My mentor is a stay-at-home wife and mom and she always asks me “how do you do it?” And honestly, I just tell her “by God’s grace.”
With that said, while I am a stay-at-home wife and mom next year, I want to be prepared (even better than I am now) to best use and maximize my time at home. I don’t want to be lazy or slothful or have to ask Justin for help when I am instructed in scripture to be the household caretaker. After a full day of working, coming home and cooking and cleaning is the last thing he will want to do (many of you working women can vouch for this because we do it everyday!)
In thinking and praying about this, I have come up with a few things NOT TO DO on the road to becoming the home-oriented woman God has called me to be. I am blessed to have a great mentor that has helped me think through each of these things and come up with practical ways that I can plan to be a Proverbs 31 woman.
THINGS NOT TO DO
1) Don’t wake up at noon
Side note: now I understand that with a newborn, this might be tricky if their schedule is up all night, sleep all day, but I am talking in the long run here, when the baby is a little older with a more steady sleep schedule.
The Proverbs 31 woman got up while it was still night (verse 15) just to make food for her family! That woman was a straight up champ if you ask me. Yes, sleep is a valuable thing, but it’s something that a Proverbs 31 woman may have to sacrifice for the good of her family.
Practical Application: in my mind, the goal would be to get up at the same time as your husband, make him breakfast and pack his lunch while he gets his morning devotions in, pray with him before he leaves and see him off to work. My mom (okay… just get used to this reference because I’ll be using it a lot in this post!) did an awesome job of this while we were kids. I remember her standing at the door in her housecoat with coffee in hand waving goodbye to my dad as he drove off to work. Think of how happy a husband would be to have his wife lovingly see him off each morning in this way. He knows that she is in control of the household while he is away and he can leave in peace knowing things are in her capable hands (Prov 31 vs 11).
2) Don’t get side tracked
I can only imagine how tempting it would be to just flick on the TV and get lost in some good bad TV marathon all day. But on the contrary, if you read the full description of a Proverbs 31 woman, no where does it say that she remained idol for any lengthy period of time (in verse 27 it actually says she avoided idleness all together! Once again, the woman is a champ!) All the things that she is being praised for are things related to her bettering her house and family. Granted the Proverbs 31 woman didn’t have TV back in her day, but I’m sure she has something equally distracting that she had to avoid to ensure she didn’t get side tracked.
Practical Application: Plan ahead (this is a running theme!) Make a list of things that need to get done through out the week and fill your day with bettering your home and family. Make “spring cleaning” a regular thing in your home (i.e. get the little jobs done just as regularly as you do the large jobs) and spend time with your kids doing crafts, exercises and other important developmental things. Once again, this is something my mom was GREAT at. She would always have a craft or some other fun thing that stimulated our development for us to do. Sometimes she would sit and do the craft with us, while other times she would leave us to enjoy while she prepared our lunch or dinner.
Side note: Now even working people get regular breaks, so it’s totally alright to incorporate those into your day. My mom would set aside an hour or so for her to relax. Sometimes she would fold laundry while watching TV while we napped, or (on her very tired days, I assume) I remember us watching a Disney movie together and relaxing for an hour or so. But you better believe that the minute that movie finished, she was up starting another task.
3) Don’t expect your husband to come home and do your job
No, your husband should not be the one cooking dinner, and no, your husband should not be the one folding laundry. Those things should be done and out of the way by the time your hubby gets in the door. As a stay-at-home wife these jobs are YOURS for completion. Even if your husband is a better cook than you (which is an excuse that some women use), it’s still your job to do have a meal prepared for him at the end of each day. It just is!
I have observed far too many women who stay at home, yet share the burden of the house with their husband. This is not wise and it’s not what the Proverbs 31 women did.
4) Don’t be scared of making an income
While not everyone has the means to do so, women who can run a small business while still staying home should totally do so! The Proverbs 31 woman did a great job of this. She made money and then she made investments with that money (verse 16) – she was clearly wise financially, and so should we strive to be!
Practical Application: my mom used to run a daycare out of her house. The helped my dad with the bills and was a huge blessing to my family over all. If you plan on staying home indefinitely, I highly suggest modelling yourself after the Proverbs 31 woman and looking into making some sort of income if you can.
5) Don’t stay in the house all the time
Being a worker at home doesn't mean that you stay home all the time. The Proverbs 31 woman “extended her hands to the poor” (verse 20), and in my mind, this means that she served and volunteered outside the home on a regular basis. This is also a very important part of fulfilling the Great Commission Jesus gave us, when he said to “go into the world”.
Practical Application: your church is probably the place you will want to serve/volunteer your time, so get involved and do what you can. Don’t take on too much though; remember that a woman’s main ministry is at home with her husband and children.
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