Breastfeeding: my take once and for all (and never to speak of it again!)

Oh, boy. Here we go. Breastfeeding. This is one topic I do NOT want to discuss. There is so much controversy surrounding it. I wouldn’t write about it at all, except I know that I will be (and already have been) asked if I plan to breastfeed my kid. In fact, a few people, upon hearing the news of my pregnancy asked right away, “so, you are planning on nursing… right?” A ton of people would probably agree that this is none of anyone’s business, and while I believe that to be true, I also believe that as a member of a strong (and close!) church community I will eliminate the need for people to 1) ask me about it and 2) gossip\discuss it if I just address the issue straight up.

My request: If you plan on commenting on this post, please read the ENTIRE post because my thoughts and rational take the entire post to convey. Since this isn’t a debate forum and I’m not looking to ruffle any feathers any harsh or misguided comments will be deleted. Thank you!

I think before I answer the above question: “will I be nursing?” I should make a few things VERY clear so there are no misunderstandings.

1) I believe that IF a woman can breastfeed their child safely and comfortably (for BOTH mother and child) then she should go ahead and do so.

2) I do not think that breastfeeding your child makes you a better mother than someone who chooses to formula feed. Likewise, I do not think that formula feeding your child makes you a better mother than someone who chooses to breastfeed.

3) I believe a good mother is someone who mimics the Proverbs 31 woman in their behaviour. Therefore, I believe the Bible considers women\wives\mothers good if they are:

· trustworthy and honest (Proverbs 31:11, 25)
· good stewards of their time and resources (Proverbs 31:27)
· clearly loved and respected by their families (Proverbs 31:28)
· hard working (Proverbs 31:13, 24 )
· kind, wise and understanding (Proverbs 31:26)
· continually meeting the needs of their children and spouse in a godly, humble and sincere way (Proverbs 31:14-15, 21)
· God-fearing (Proverbs 31:30)

4) I am not pro breastfeeding or pro formulas feeding. I am ONLY pro God, pro God’s Word and pro mom.

Before I get into the specifics of my personal decision on breastfeeding, let’s look at a few valid reasons why someone might choose not to breastfeed:

1) Survivors of sexual assault – this one brings me to tears when I think about it. Picture a little girl, violated repeatedly by someone in her life. That little girl grows up in pain and shame. She has a baby and sadly, for reasons beyond her control, breastfeeding brings up psychological concerns for her that torment her and prevent her from breastfeeding in a healthy, natural way. (Side note: it REALLY burns me up when I am sitting in a room full of women who are casually talking about breastfeeding and they start making general statements about how “breast is best” without looking around them and realizing that they really don’t know the stories of the other women present. What if someone in the group is a sexual assault survivor and for them breast is NOT best!? It’s a very ignorant mistake to make if you ask me, and as Christian women, we really need to exude the kindness, compassion and understanding that the Bible calls of us. We need to make ourselves approachable to people of all kinds. We need to think of OTHERS before ourselves! Ok, rant over.)

2) Adoption – this one is close to my heart as well. Adoption is such a beautiful thing to me because ALL Christian men and woman are adopted. Adoption depicts the love God had for us when he sent his son to die on the cross thus allowing us to be adopted as His children. As shown here: http://www.faithit.com/couple-sees-son-first-time-reaction-is-beautiful/

3) Diseases – example: cancers of all kinds, full-blown AIDS, est.

4) Past bodily trauma – example: double mastectomy survivors… you can’t always tell who these people are, so guard your tongue and once again, think about those around you and their possible backgrounds before you speak openly about this issue.

5) Single working mom’s who just can’t commit to the tight schedule of breastfeeding because they are working three jobs – these moms are heroes in my eyes, and they should NOT be looked down upon for their choice to formula feed.

6) Because you just don’t want to\tried but can’t – some women cannot\don’t want to breastfeed. Period. Maybe it’s too painful or maybe their postpartum recovery is so bad that they can’t. What ever the reasons, as long as it’s made in the interest of BOTH mother and baby, than I don’t see any issues with it.

Ok, now we are able to move onto the main event. Am I or am I not choosing to breastfeed my child (drum roll, please!)… the answer is no. I am not going to breastfeed. Now, before you go assuming anything, let me assure you that I DO in fact have my reasons, and they are good, godly and husband-approved reasons. (Side note: I am writing this with the assumption that I can breastfeed, but as we know, you really don’t know if you can or can’t until baby is born… but for sake of argument, let’s say I can.) Anyway, without further delay, here are my reasons not to breastfeed:

1) I have had breast reduction surgery, and while this doesn’t normally affect a woman’s ability to nurse, it can sure make it more painful. I just cannot and will not put myself through something that I know will be painful for me and stressful for my baby.

2) I don’t feel like I want to put my breasts through any more stress and pain than they have been through. I will not get into details, but my reduction didn’t exactly go off without a hitch.

3) There are tons of breast-milk like formulas out there that will do a great job of nourishing and feeding my little one JUST fine. Rather than being critical of those formulas, I am going to thank God for them! I once saw a video claiming that formula companies are 100% evil… I just about fell off my chair. What a bold, general and misguided comment to make. I work at a hospital with a busy Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. We have dozens of premature or sick babies in our facilities at any given time and you know what helps save their little lives? The formula we feed them when mom’s breast milk isn’t enough.

(Side note: I used to work at a Big Pharmaceutical company and I remember laughing when I heard all the conspiracy theories going around about how ALL Big Pharma companies are straight up evil. All I can say is this: I worked with people on all levels of the Big Pharma company and NOT ONE of them was plotting evil against the world. In fact, most of them worked long hours trying to find viable cures for many different diseases. I know, I was there writing about their efforts in the company’s weekly newsletter! I saw it first hand! Yes they had to care about the bottom line sometimes, but for the most part, they were just hard working people trying to make a difference in the world… and I bet 90% of the employees at the formula companies are the exact same. And let’s be honest, EVERY business needs to care about their bottom line… you’re telling me all those eco-friendly products\companies out there don’t care just a little about the money? Ya right. It’s a business; the company wouldn't run if they didn't care!)

4) My husband was born with a hole in his heart and he had to have infant open heart surgery. He was formula fed upon his recovery. That formula must have been top notch because it nursed him into health and he is now a gorgeous, athletic, fit man! No other health issues in sight, praise God!

5) People always say that babies and “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14) and I believe that to be true. But what people often forget is that PEOPLE in general are fearfully and wonderfully made. That means moms and all our imperfections and flaws are fearfully and wonderfully made too! You see friends, God has willed it that I not be able to comfortably breastfeed my children, but I don’t feel any worry about it at all because this is how GOD MADE ME… you guessed it: fearfully and wonderfully, and his works are WONDERFUL, we know this full well!

6) This isn’t really a reason, but I have to say it. It confuses me to no end when a mom breast feeds and then goes and feeds her toddled (or herself!) MacDonald’s…pretty sure that’s just a straight up contradiction. How can someone put up such a double standard? Yikes… Anyway… yeah.

My word of caution:

Sisters, I say this in complete love. When you stand before the thrown of God on Judgment Day, do you think he will judge you based on whether or not you breastfeed your baby? Of course not! He is going to judge you based on whether or not you followed his commandments (John 15:14). Whether or not you cared for the orphan or widow in their distress (James 1:27). Whether or not you DENID yourself everyday in pursuit of the cross (Matthew 16:24-26). So why do we think it’s right to judge other mothers on their feeding choices? It’s not a matter of eternal value, therefore we have NO right to do so. We all know that there are some areas of our fellow Christian’s lives that we have judgment over (i.e. if you know someone is cheating on their taxes or their spouse, sure, call them out and pray for their repentance and sanctifications!), but breastfeeding is not an issue that you have judgment over for anyone but yourself.

If you are a Christian woman and you find yourself being unloving to women who makes a different feeding choice than you, I urge you to examine your heart and look at Jesus, the author of our faith and perfect lover of our souls. He “demonstrated his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) So, how much MORE loving should we be to those around us!? Christian literally means “little Christ” and we need to be just that. The Bible characterizes a true Christ-follower as someone who exudes the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22), and if your interaction with a mother who formal feeds her child is anything less than loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle or controlled, I have to seriously question your love for Christ. The Bible is clear, “a good tree cannot produces bad fruit and a bad tree cannot produce bad fruit” (Matthew 7:18). The Bible also says that others will know we are Christians by our love (John 13:35). Are you really being loving if you look down on someone for something that may be beyond their control? I think not.

So there you have it. This is me, it’s who I am, who God made me, and this is the choice I am making for my family and I couldn’t be more thankful! I am NOT the least bit ashamed or sad that I won’t be breastfeeding my kids. In fact, I feel honoured because it’ll give me a platform to speak on behalf of mothers who cannot for many different reasons. Praise God for that! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Grace and Peace,
Alannah

The Preggo Monster Says “I’m Sorry”

Hormones, oh, hormones. You get me into trouble sometimes. Next to the constant need to pee, I think that the moodiness I have been experiencing with this pregnancy is the worst symptom of all (okay, the puking is nasty as well, but thankfully not as consistent.) It’s the worst because it affects the people (person) around me (a.k.a. my husband). And as much as I try to control my emotional “swings”, I never fully can.

Example: yesterday Justin was in the bathroom and I asked him from the other room “hey, are we out of toilet paper.” The man said “yes” and I freaked out… who does that?! You see, to my pregnant ears the word “yes” sounded rude… why? I couldn’t tell you, but it did. Don’t worry, the freak out only lasted a second and it was more of a crying\annoyed “why are you so rude to me when I just ask you a question”, but still uncalled for and totally not cool. Seriously though, answer me this: what kind of a horrible person gets irritated like that? This preggo monster does. I am not the kind of person to freak out at a co-worker or a friend, but my hubby (poor guy), he gets the brunt of it.

Just a couple of kids in love - and we still are to this day:)

So today I wanted to say a huge “Thanks Honey, I love you so much!” to the most amazing man in my life, Justin Oliver. Sorry that you are there to witness the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on over the past three months, but I am glad you love me through it. You know you are my best friend and we are in this together through thick and thin. I can’t imagine being with anyone else during such a special time. You are a gift from God. I really love you… and don’t worry, I’ll pick up some toilet paper on the way home! ;) 

Lies the Internet Tells Pregnant Women in their First Trimester

I am a worrier by nature. I hate it! It’s one of those bad habits that I’m really trying to kick to the curb. One of the fuels to my worry is the Internet. Every time I have an ache or pain… I Google what it could be. This drives Justin absolutely insane (and I can’t blame him because the result is usually a neurotic, paranoid wife). Of course, as any logical person will tell you, the Internet only provides you with the most extreme and unlikely answers to your various ailments. Example: headache = brain cancer, stomach ache = ulcer, gas = exploding bowl syndrome… ok, I made that one up, but you get the idea.

So without further delay, here are some “lies” that the Internet has told me over the course of my pregnancy and here are some of the honest answers I have received from my amazing team of health care professionals… feel free to add some of your ownJ 

LIE: If you don’t experience morning sickness, something is wrong!

TRUTH: Hollywood will have you believe that ALL expecting mothers experience morning sickness early on in their pregnancy. When I was about 5 weeks pregnant I watched the movie “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and was alarmed at how the characters were experiencing morning sickness and food aversions but I still wasn’t! Ok, ok… I was naïve to think that a movie would give me any sort of sound medical advice, but it still freaked me right out!

For me, morning sickness came late. I felt pretty much normal and good for the first 7 or so weeks of pregnancy. So good, in fact, that I was worried something was wrong! But along came week 8 and I finally felt the dreaded pains of morning sickness. (Sub-Truth: However, for me, it wasn’t really dreaded. To be honest, I welcomed it, relived that I was feeling like a “normal” pregnant lady. Another reason why I am cray crayJ)

On a side note, some lucky women don’t experience any morning sickness at all. Can you imagine!? Here’s hoping pregnancy #2 is like that…

LIE: Gain weight! Eat for two!

TRUTH: This one annoys me to no end… and for the record, I never actually believed this to be true. But because it’s such a common misconception, let’s tackle it.

The truth is that the average woman (with a healthy BMI for her pre-pregnancy weight and height) will gain about 6 pounds within the first three months of pregnancy (an average of 2 pounds per month) and about 25-35 pounds over the entire pregnancy. Women who are overweight to begin with should gain even LESS than that. The key to pregnancy weight gain, according to my Doctor and Midwife, is slow and steady. And contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT need to eat for two at any time during your pregnancy. In fact, you will not need any extra calories at all in your first trimester and ONLY about 300 extra in your second and third trimester. That’s not even enough to cover you for a second serving of pie.

Personally, I have gained 4 pounds so far. I am happy with this weight gain because for me, it makes sense. I still work out and eat pretty healthy and I hope I can keep up this momentum in trimesters 2 and 3.

LIE: Working out in the first trimester will hurt the baby.

TRUTH: If you are someone with a healthy workout routine pre-pregnancy, you should keep working out during your first trimester and beyond! That said, if you’ve never worked out before, pregnancy isn’t the time to start. This is why it’s SO important to prepare your body for pregnancy by having a healthy active workout routine in place before conceiving. The benefits of working out are obvious and can result in some of the following during your pregnancy:

-          consistent and healthy blood pressure

-          stable moods (your partner will thank you)

-          strong core muscles to assist with carrying your baby and labor

-          stronger muscles in general and less pain (leg, back, neck, est.) during pregnancy

-          healthy weight gain during pregnancy and the ability to get back to pre-pregnancy size postpartum (the more muscle you have, the more calories your body will burn, even while resting!)

LIE: Cramping during pregnancy means miscarriage.

TRUTH: I wish someone told me before I got pregnant that some cramping during early pregnancy is perfectly normal – it would have eliminated a lot of worry for me… and a lot of Googling. The cramps I am talking about feel a lot like PMS cramps, with no bleeding. Later in pregnancy you may also start to experience something called Rounds Ligament Pain, which is pain caused by your growing womb. Boo! This symptom really sucks! Anything for baby though! 

Okay, friends. That's it for today. And hey, if you ever catch me using Google to self-diagnose, you have my permission to drop kick me. Ok? Deal.  

Grace and Peace, 
Alannah 

Our Pregnancy Announcement!

A Blog Worth Keeping

Written December 3, 2013, when I was 9 weeks 2 days pregnant.

I am now 11 weeks pregnant!

Dear Reader,

I have tried to keep a blog for many years, and it’s never worked out for me. I guess I never had anything of true important to say before… but now, now I have a reason to blog! I am happy, overjoyed and humbled to announce, I’m pregnant! And I couldn’t be more excited.

I want this blog to be a place where I can track my thoughts and experiences throughout my pregnancy, and if you want to join along and read, you are more than welcome to! I don’t expect many people will and I am totally ok with that. This is for me and for the lovely people who want to know all the details about the next 6 months. Don’t worry! I am journaling as well, but the journal is more directed to the baby and leaves out some of the day-to-day details that I want to remember in the years to come.

As I write, I am 9 weeks and 2 days pregnant, although by the time you read this, I will be over11 weeks (I don’t plan on this blog going public until that time… more on that topic later!) And even with the morning sickness, sore breasts, excess saliva (total nastiness right there), frequent (and I mean FREQUENT) urination and absolute fatigue (is it bed time yet?) it’s an absolute blessing. A sign that a little baby is taking form inside of me; a sign that God is using me as vessel to bring life into the world.

I have to admit, I didn’t believe I was pregnant when I found out over 7 weeks ago – not even when the faint second line appeared on the home pregnancy test. Justin and I were staying in Toronto at my Nonna’s for the night as we had to work in the city the following day. Although it was a little early (about three days before my expected period), we thought we’d try taking the test anyway… just to see what would happen. I can honestly say after one short month of trying (not even a month at that time!) I really wasn’t expecting to be pregnant. That’s probably why I denied it at first… but there it was, in all its glory, a second line on the pregnancy test. As I mentioned, the line was faint, which instantly made me think “FLASE positive!” Even though a false positive is VERY rare… and I mean like super-dooper rare (if at all possible?) Anyway, because I didn’t believe it, we marched out of the house at 9:30 p.m. to get a second (and third) test to confirm. Because morning pee is the best (especially when you are as early as I was), I decided to wait until the following day to take the next test, and after a straight up restless and near sleepless night, I got up super early (maybe 4 a.m.?), took the test, and sure enough, there it was. Another line, and not as faint.

At this point, most women would be flat out ecstatic, but I was still put off… I guess I didn’t feel deserving of such a blessing. Psalm 8:4 kept running through my head: “What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” I kept thinking “Why me, Lord? So many beautiful and godly women try for years to conceive and don’t. Why me?” I say these things with all humbleness in my heart and tears in my eyes.

You see, my past hasn’t always been something I’m proud of, as many of you can probably attest to. And even though I have genuinely repented of the not-so-nice details of my past (I carry no guilt anymore), I still sometime struggle with accepting blessing from the Lord. It’s taken me weeks to come to terms with this fact, but for some reason God wants me to be pregnant and I am slowly learning to relish in His love rather than revert to my past. Am I scared? Of course! Terrified! Any pregnant mama will tell you she has her fears, probably the number on fear being a miscarriage. It can get pretty overwhelming at times, but I am beyond blessed to have an amazing husband who reminds me in the midst of it all that God is sovereign and no amount of worrying will change that. He has my baby’s little life in His mighty hands, and whether death or life becomes it, this fact remains: God is good, I am blessed, and my little baby was loved from conception. Wow… intense stuff, right? Intense, but ultimately freeing.

So there you have it. I am pregnant, and my sweet little baby is due on July 7th, 2014.

A question may be entering into your mind: why did you wait so long to tell every if you believe God is sovereign? Why hide it? Great questions! And truth is, I regret waiting to tell you. Right when I found out, I wanted to shout it from the roof tops… but I was too scared. As you may know, most women wait until the dreaded 11 or 12 week mark has passed before giving the good news out freely because the risk of miscarriage gets lower as the first trimester ends. But what many women forget is that miscarriage can happen at ANY time of pregnancy, sadly. We are never “out of the woods”. Heck, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow (God forbid!), but my point is NO ONES life (born or unborn) is guaranteed.

There is also the issue of church community. The writer of Our Nest in the City, an amazing blog that you should check out, puts it best, she says:

“If we claim to put a high value on community, family, friendship, and fellowship, we felt we needed to live that out - and early pregnancy seemed like an ideal time. Sharing joys and griefs alike is one of the purest ways to do that. I share about my pregnancies early because I can't contain my joy and can't hide it from those around me who I love. And if God should decide to carry us through the trial of a miscarriage, the same would be true of our grief. Hiding grief and mourning in secret doesn't mesh well with our beliefs of the Christian life, particularly our views on community, and so, we share.”

Beautifully put. The point is friends, the Bible calls Christians to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15), but how can your church community surround you in the good times and in the bad if they don’t know what’s going on? Also, how can God get the glory (whether through miscarriage or healthy baby) if we don’t share? How can our trials and burdens be testimonials of God’s goodness and love if we keep them hidden? The fact remains, they can’t. And if that’s the case, then would they not be in vain? Job 2:10 says: “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" The answer to that is of course, no. God hands us all sorts of trouble in life and through it all He is good, He is on His throne, and He will see us through. He is more than enough.

DISCALIMER: Before we start a full on debate here, please not that the above logic is meant for a Christian audience. I can’t speak to those who do not walk in my faith and know my Jesus. Their decisions will be different than mine.

All in all, I encourage women to look at the state of their heart when deciding when to tell family and friends about your pregnancy. If you are making the decision based out of fear as I was in the beginning, please pray on it and rethink it. If you are making the decision based on timing (i.e. when will my family be together next? when will I have an ultrasound picture to show everyone? So on and so forth…fun things like that) then perhaps waiting IS the right thing to do.

In the end, Justin and I waited to tell our family (with the exception of a few individuals) until the 11 week mark because that was the next time everyone was able to get together in one room and it was SUPER important to us that we tell everyone in person. However, I can tell you right now that you will be hearing about baby #2 (should God choose to bless us with another) WAY sooner. And I hope that you will be there for me what ever the outcome may be – loss or gain.

God is author of life, and I praise him every day for this little sweet baby growing inside of me. Thank you for sharing in my joy.

Grace and peace,
Alannah