Breastfeeding: my take once and for all (and never to speak of it again!)

Oh, boy. Here we go. Breastfeeding. This is one topic I do NOT want to discuss. There is so much controversy surrounding it. I wouldn’t write about it at all, except I know that I will be (and already have been) asked if I plan to breastfeed my kid. In fact, a few people, upon hearing the news of my pregnancy asked right away, “so, you are planning on nursing… right?” A ton of people would probably agree that this is none of anyone’s business, and while I believe that to be true, I also believe that as a member of a strong (and close!) church community I will eliminate the need for people to 1) ask me about it and 2) gossip\discuss it if I just address the issue straight up.

My request: If you plan on commenting on this post, please read the ENTIRE post because my thoughts and rational take the entire post to convey. Since this isn’t a debate forum and I’m not looking to ruffle any feathers any harsh or misguided comments will be deleted. Thank you!

I think before I answer the above question: “will I be nursing?” I should make a few things VERY clear so there are no misunderstandings.

1) I believe that IF a woman can breastfeed their child safely and comfortably (for BOTH mother and child) then she should go ahead and do so.

2) I do not think that breastfeeding your child makes you a better mother than someone who chooses to formula feed. Likewise, I do not think that formula feeding your child makes you a better mother than someone who chooses to breastfeed.

3) I believe a good mother is someone who mimics the Proverbs 31 woman in their behaviour. Therefore, I believe the Bible considers women\wives\mothers good if they are:

· trustworthy and honest (Proverbs 31:11, 25)
· good stewards of their time and resources (Proverbs 31:27)
· clearly loved and respected by their families (Proverbs 31:28)
· hard working (Proverbs 31:13, 24 )
· kind, wise and understanding (Proverbs 31:26)
· continually meeting the needs of their children and spouse in a godly, humble and sincere way (Proverbs 31:14-15, 21)
· God-fearing (Proverbs 31:30)

4) I am not pro breastfeeding or pro formulas feeding. I am ONLY pro God, pro God’s Word and pro mom.

Before I get into the specifics of my personal decision on breastfeeding, let’s look at a few valid reasons why someone might choose not to breastfeed:

1) Survivors of sexual assault – this one brings me to tears when I think about it. Picture a little girl, violated repeatedly by someone in her life. That little girl grows up in pain and shame. She has a baby and sadly, for reasons beyond her control, breastfeeding brings up psychological concerns for her that torment her and prevent her from breastfeeding in a healthy, natural way. (Side note: it REALLY burns me up when I am sitting in a room full of women who are casually talking about breastfeeding and they start making general statements about how “breast is best” without looking around them and realizing that they really don’t know the stories of the other women present. What if someone in the group is a sexual assault survivor and for them breast is NOT best!? It’s a very ignorant mistake to make if you ask me, and as Christian women, we really need to exude the kindness, compassion and understanding that the Bible calls of us. We need to make ourselves approachable to people of all kinds. We need to think of OTHERS before ourselves! Ok, rant over.)

2) Adoption – this one is close to my heart as well. Adoption is such a beautiful thing to me because ALL Christian men and woman are adopted. Adoption depicts the love God had for us when he sent his son to die on the cross thus allowing us to be adopted as His children. As shown here: http://www.faithit.com/couple-sees-son-first-time-reaction-is-beautiful/

3) Diseases – example: cancers of all kinds, full-blown AIDS, est.

4) Past bodily trauma – example: double mastectomy survivors… you can’t always tell who these people are, so guard your tongue and once again, think about those around you and their possible backgrounds before you speak openly about this issue.

5) Single working mom’s who just can’t commit to the tight schedule of breastfeeding because they are working three jobs – these moms are heroes in my eyes, and they should NOT be looked down upon for their choice to formula feed.

6) Because you just don’t want to\tried but can’t – some women cannot\don’t want to breastfeed. Period. Maybe it’s too painful or maybe their postpartum recovery is so bad that they can’t. What ever the reasons, as long as it’s made in the interest of BOTH mother and baby, than I don’t see any issues with it.

Ok, now we are able to move onto the main event. Am I or am I not choosing to breastfeed my child (drum roll, please!)… the answer is no. I am not going to breastfeed. Now, before you go assuming anything, let me assure you that I DO in fact have my reasons, and they are good, godly and husband-approved reasons. (Side note: I am writing this with the assumption that I can breastfeed, but as we know, you really don’t know if you can or can’t until baby is born… but for sake of argument, let’s say I can.) Anyway, without further delay, here are my reasons not to breastfeed:

1) I have had breast reduction surgery, and while this doesn’t normally affect a woman’s ability to nurse, it can sure make it more painful. I just cannot and will not put myself through something that I know will be painful for me and stressful for my baby.

2) I don’t feel like I want to put my breasts through any more stress and pain than they have been through. I will not get into details, but my reduction didn’t exactly go off without a hitch.

3) There are tons of breast-milk like formulas out there that will do a great job of nourishing and feeding my little one JUST fine. Rather than being critical of those formulas, I am going to thank God for them! I once saw a video claiming that formula companies are 100% evil… I just about fell off my chair. What a bold, general and misguided comment to make. I work at a hospital with a busy Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. We have dozens of premature or sick babies in our facilities at any given time and you know what helps save their little lives? The formula we feed them when mom’s breast milk isn’t enough.

(Side note: I used to work at a Big Pharmaceutical company and I remember laughing when I heard all the conspiracy theories going around about how ALL Big Pharma companies are straight up evil. All I can say is this: I worked with people on all levels of the Big Pharma company and NOT ONE of them was plotting evil against the world. In fact, most of them worked long hours trying to find viable cures for many different diseases. I know, I was there writing about their efforts in the company’s weekly newsletter! I saw it first hand! Yes they had to care about the bottom line sometimes, but for the most part, they were just hard working people trying to make a difference in the world… and I bet 90% of the employees at the formula companies are the exact same. And let’s be honest, EVERY business needs to care about their bottom line… you’re telling me all those eco-friendly products\companies out there don’t care just a little about the money? Ya right. It’s a business; the company wouldn't run if they didn't care!)

4) My husband was born with a hole in his heart and he had to have infant open heart surgery. He was formula fed upon his recovery. That formula must have been top notch because it nursed him into health and he is now a gorgeous, athletic, fit man! No other health issues in sight, praise God!

5) People always say that babies and “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14) and I believe that to be true. But what people often forget is that PEOPLE in general are fearfully and wonderfully made. That means moms and all our imperfections and flaws are fearfully and wonderfully made too! You see friends, God has willed it that I not be able to comfortably breastfeed my children, but I don’t feel any worry about it at all because this is how GOD MADE ME… you guessed it: fearfully and wonderfully, and his works are WONDERFUL, we know this full well!

6) This isn’t really a reason, but I have to say it. It confuses me to no end when a mom breast feeds and then goes and feeds her toddled (or herself!) MacDonald’s…pretty sure that’s just a straight up contradiction. How can someone put up such a double standard? Yikes… Anyway… yeah.

My word of caution:

Sisters, I say this in complete love. When you stand before the thrown of God on Judgment Day, do you think he will judge you based on whether or not you breastfeed your baby? Of course not! He is going to judge you based on whether or not you followed his commandments (John 15:14). Whether or not you cared for the orphan or widow in their distress (James 1:27). Whether or not you DENID yourself everyday in pursuit of the cross (Matthew 16:24-26). So why do we think it’s right to judge other mothers on their feeding choices? It’s not a matter of eternal value, therefore we have NO right to do so. We all know that there are some areas of our fellow Christian’s lives that we have judgment over (i.e. if you know someone is cheating on their taxes or their spouse, sure, call them out and pray for their repentance and sanctifications!), but breastfeeding is not an issue that you have judgment over for anyone but yourself.

If you are a Christian woman and you find yourself being unloving to women who makes a different feeding choice than you, I urge you to examine your heart and look at Jesus, the author of our faith and perfect lover of our souls. He “demonstrated his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) So, how much MORE loving should we be to those around us!? Christian literally means “little Christ” and we need to be just that. The Bible characterizes a true Christ-follower as someone who exudes the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:22), and if your interaction with a mother who formal feeds her child is anything less than loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle or controlled, I have to seriously question your love for Christ. The Bible is clear, “a good tree cannot produces bad fruit and a bad tree cannot produce bad fruit” (Matthew 7:18). The Bible also says that others will know we are Christians by our love (John 13:35). Are you really being loving if you look down on someone for something that may be beyond their control? I think not.

So there you have it. This is me, it’s who I am, who God made me, and this is the choice I am making for my family and I couldn’t be more thankful! I am NOT the least bit ashamed or sad that I won’t be breastfeeding my kids. In fact, I feel honoured because it’ll give me a platform to speak on behalf of mothers who cannot for many different reasons. Praise God for that! I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Grace and Peace,
Alannah