I feel like there is a lot of negative hype around pregnancy though, and while it’s not always sunshine and roses (sometimes it’s snow and ice!), pregnancy offers a woman the chance to learn a lot in just 9 months – and no, I am not talking about cloth diapers and sleeping training. I am talking about trust.
One thing this pregnancy has offered me that I wasn't really expecting is the opportunity to learn to trust more deeply in God. I mean, let’s face it; we really can’t control a whole lot about our pregnancies. We can’t control how our bodies will handle it or how healthy our babies will be. In fact, next to picking a baby name and nursery colours, there isn't a lot left in our hands. And I have found this to be a very good thing; a very scary thing, but very good. Necessary, even.
While this pregnancy has been a relatively easy one (praise God – I pray it continues), it doesn't mean it hasn't come with its fair share of tough times.
Probably the toughest time was last week when we went down to Toronto to have Roman’s echo cardiogram done. While there was a very low chance that anything would be wrong, it was still pretty intimidating.
Side note: my husband, Justin, was born with two holes in his heart – also known as Congenital Heart Disease (CHD). This problem is not genetic – in other words, not hereditary. In fact, no matter who you are, your baby has a 1 – 3 % chance of having a CHD. Our chance of having Roman born with CHD is about the same as anyone else, but to give us peace of mind, my midwife allowed us to go to Toronto for this special ultrasound – just to be 100% all was well.
If you follow me on Facebook you've heard the news: Roman’s heart is perfectly fine (thank you Lord!) and the rest of his body is developing just as well (thank you Lord, again!). But I won’t lie, I have never been more terrified then when I was laying on the table, the doctor examining my 20-week-old baby’s heart.
About 15 min went by and the doctor hadn't said a word to us. It wasn't a great experience, but the cool thing is, while I was lying there waiting for the “verdict”, I was at peace. Sure, my heart was beating a mile a minute, but I was at peace. This is SO rare for me because, by nature, I am a worrier. But after much time, consideration and prayer, I found myself in a place where I’d never been before… a place of calm in the eye of the storm.
I will tell you this, the peace that I had was NOT by my own doing. My human nature wanted to think of all the horrible “worst-case-scenarios”, but the Holy Spirit that lives inside me reminded me that whatever the outcome, it had already passed through the hands of God – for His glory and for my… our… Roman’s… good. And that gave me the peace that the Bible says “surpasses all understanding”.
I can’t control this pregnancy and (news flash for me) I can’t control the rest of my life either. I used to think I could control it all, but I realize now that the pursuit on control shows a lack of trust in God. This doesn't mean that I'm hands off on things completely – I still am called to plan and work towards things accordingly – but it means that when situations are uncertain, I go to God with them. I don’t let it fester inside me until I become a worrying, untrusting mess (which I have been so many times in the past).
I am quickly learning that there is no harder thing than to trust God with your children, and although my little bun is still baking away in the oven, it’s crucial I learn to trust God with him now before he is born. By doing so, I will be a better, more godly mother to Roman. I’ll be able rest easy knowing my son’s precious life is in the Lord’s hands, and I can only hope that Roman learns at a young age to trust in God in the same manner.I want my son to know full well the sovereignty of God so he can grasp the amount of trust he can put in his Heavenly Father. I believe this will strengthen his faith, even in the face of uncertainty and trials.
Grace and Peace,
Alannah
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